What ‘The Real Housewives of New York City’ got right about eating disorders
I admit it—I’m a more-than-casual reality TV watcher. Hear me out: It has its benefits!
This hilarious TikTok explains just how much we can learn about the human experience from this subset of “trash” TV.
But onto the blog post…
Recently, I was performing my annual rewatch of one of my favorites: the Real Housewives of New York City (or, RHONY). In Season 8, we’re introduced to Jules, a new cast member who was the first of any from the Bravo franchise to reveal that she had battled (and was still battling) an eating disorder.
When I initially watched these episodes air, I was curious how the show would handle such a heavy topic. They had handled deep issues before—from cancer to widowhood to abuse—but this was the first time I would be able to relate to something that one of the housewives was going through.
As someone who is also in recovery, I took this as an opportunity to explore how this Bravo program handled the sensitive subject of eating disorders. Below are statements made by Jules during Season 8 when discussing her eating disorder with the other cast members, plus my thoughts.
1. “Secrets keep you sick.”
Eating disorders work tirelessly to stay a secret. From the behaviors you have to hide to the bodily changes you don’t want anyone to notice, EDs are designed to be concealed.
(Side note: Despite how much societal emphasis is placed on the size and shape of bodies that are in the throes of eating disorders, these diseases don’t actually have a “look” so it’s nearly impossible to “tell” whether someone has an eating disorder.)
But bodies aside, it’s the goal of an eating disorder to keep your ED life a secret. In fact, in my own recovery, I’ve found the more open and honest you are with what you’re going through, the weaker the eating disorder becomes.
The housewife in this TV series adds to this adage by saying she wants her friends and family to know what she’s going through so that they can help keep her accountable for her behaviors.
While I do feel this places an unfair responsibility on her loved ones, I understand her motivation here: The more people who know about her struggles, the more likely she is to be able to address them before they go to a more dangerous place.
However, because eating disorders are so hard to wrap your head around unless you’ve experienced them yourself, it can be difficult to try to get people to truly understand what you’re going through, which can add an unnecessary layer of frustration to an already tricky recovery process.
But this saying still can be helpful. It can be translated into something that more closely aligns with your individual recovery. For example, the “secrets” you don’t want to keep might refer to what you disclose during sessions with your treatment team, or learning how to be honest with yourself about your thoughts and behaviors.
2. “Recovery is not linear.”
Anyone who has struggled with any kind of mental illness can attest to this: Recovery is not linear.
Sure, it would be nice to be able to embark on a recovery process and, so long as you follow the steps your treatment team lays out for you, you’ll take a direct path right to recovery. But unlike most physical ailments, this isn’t the case with mental illness.
Recovery can take all sorts of directions, and even if you’re doing everything right, you may have slip-ups every now and then. But the important thing to remember is that these minor detours don’t have to derail all your recovery progress.
Just because you’ve veered off the road doesn’t mean you can’t get back on it.
And instead of seeing these setbacks as roadblocks, think of them as a series of “rest stops” on a route to a better, recovered life.
3. “The disease is much stronger than you.”
Or at least, this is what the eating disorder wants you to think.
At times, it can feel like the disease is indeed stronger than you are, especially at the beginning of your recovery. But the more you use recovery tactics against the disease, the weaker it gets.
This speaks to the point above, re: nonlinear recovery. There will likely be times when the eating disorder wants you to steer off the road and never find your way back.
But the goal of recovery is to develop ways to counter these thoughts so that eventually, there will be no desire to obey whatever the ED is telling you to do. Eventually, with enough work, your voice will drown out the ED’s voice.
4. “You’re never ‘cured’ from an eating disorder.”
I must admit, when I first heard Jules say this on RHONY, I wasn’t sure whether I agreed with her. After all, what’s the point of trying to recover if full recovery isn’t even possible?
It’s still a controversial statement in the ED community. Some feel strongly that full recovery is possible, and they are walking, breathing examples of this. But others see recovery as a lifelong process, one that you need to keep working toward every day.
The thought that there isn’t a “finish line” in recovery can be discouraging. It can make any attempt at recovery seem futile. But as someone who considers herself nearly recovered, I can tell you that life can get SO much better the more you work at your recovery. And that’s worth fighting for.
Pause & Prompt
Choose one of the statements above and use it to write about your own experience.
