I admit it—I’m a more-than-casual reality TV watcher. Hear me out: It has its benefits!

This hilarious TikTok explains just how much we can learn about the human experience from this subset of “trash” TV.

But onto the blog post…

Recently, I was performing my annual rewatch of one of my favorites: the Real Housewives of New York City (or, RHONY). In Season 8, we’re introduced to Jules, a new cast member who was the first of any from the Bravo franchise to reveal that she had battled (and was still battling) an eating disorder.

When I initially watched these episodes air, I was curious how the show would handle such a heavy topic. They had handled deep issues before—from cancer to widowhood to abuse—but this was the first time I would be able to relate to something that one of the housewives was going through.

As someone who is also in recovery, I took this as an opportunity to explore how this Bravo program handled the sensitive subject of eating disorders. Below are statements made by Jules during Season 8 when discussing her eating disorder with the other cast members, plus my thoughts.

1. “Secrets keep you sick.”

Eating disorders work tirelessly to stay a secret. From the behaviors you have to hide to the bodily changes you don’t want anyone to notice, EDs are designed to be concealed.

(Side note: Despite how much societal emphasis is placed on the size and shape of bodies that are in the throes of eating disorders, these diseases don’t actually have a “look” so it’s nearly impossible to “tell” whether someone has an eating disorder.)

But bodies aside, it’s the goal of an eating disorder to keep your ED life a secret. In fact, in my own recovery, I’ve found the more open and honest you are with what you’re going through, the weaker the eating disorder becomes.

However, because eating disorders are so hard to wrap your head around unless you’ve experienced them yourself, it can be difficult to try to get people to truly understand what you’re going through, which can add an unnecessary layer of frustration to an already tricky recovery process.

But this saying still can be helpful. It can be translated into something that more closely aligns with your individual recovery. For example, the “secrets” you don’t want to keep might refer to what you disclose during sessions with your treatment team, or learning how to be honest with yourself about your thoughts and behaviors.

2. “Recovery is not linear.”

Anyone who has struggled with any kind of mental illness can attest to this: Recovery is not linear.

Sure, it would be nice to be able to embark on a recovery process and, so long as you follow the steps your treatment team lays out for you, you’ll take a direct path right to recovery. But unlike most physical ailments, this isn’t the case with mental illness.

And instead of seeing these setbacks as roadblocks, think of them as a series of “rest stops” on a route to a better, recovered life.

3. “The disease is much stronger than you.”

Or at least, this is what the eating disorder wants you to think.

At times, it can feel like the disease is indeed stronger than you are, especially at the beginning of your recovery. But the more you use recovery tactics against the disease, the weaker it gets.

4. “You’re never ‘cured’ from an eating disorder.”

I must admit, when I first heard Jules say this on RHONY, I wasn’t sure whether I agreed with her. After all, what’s the point of trying to recover if full recovery isn’t even possible?

It’s still a controversial statement in the ED community. Some feel strongly that full recovery is possible, and they are walking, breathing examples of this. But others see recovery as a lifelong process, one that you need to keep working toward every day.

The thought that there isn’t a “finish line” in recovery can be discouraging. It can make any attempt at recovery seem futile. But as someone who considers herself nearly recovered, I can tell you that life can get SO much better the more you work at your recovery. And that’s worth fighting for.