Eating disorders and the holidays
In the throes of my eating disorder(s), the winter holidays were one of the scariest times of the year. Sure, I could cloak myself in heavy sweaters, baggy sweatpants, and loose-fitting t-shirts to conceal my frail frame from the concerning eyes of loved ones, but the food-centric holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas would swiftly sweep away any protective barrier that the clothes provided, leaving me exposed to triggers that incited harmful thoughts and behaviors.
Not only are these two holidays characteristically centered on food, the seasonal food is typically dense, hearty, filling, and overabundant at most wintertime gatherings.
Hot cocoa for ice skating, Christmas cookies constantly baking in the oven, syrupy fat-laden gravy spilling over a plateful of starchy carbs. It was my eating disorder’s worst nightmare but also its greatest fantasy.
To prepare for the handful of holidays I had to face with my eating disorder in tow required just that: preparation. In order to navigate these meals, interactions with family members, and dark, cold days trapped indoors, I made sure I had a plan in place to help me feel any sort of stability.
My plan (sort of) looked like this:
I worked on a meal plan with my nutritionist that allowed me to indulge a bit in the holiday foods I loved while ensuring I was consuming enough nutrients to keep my recovery on track.
I journaled nightly, checking in with myself and with my recovery, and recognizing what worked and what didn’t work on a given day.
I made a promise to myself that I would remove myself from any situation in which I felt that my recovery would be jeopardized.
I was gentle with myself if I hit any setbacks (which I definitely did). I reminded myself that it’s the holidays and it’s OK if I slip up. In fact, any time is an OK time to slip up. That’s the nature of recovery. I chose to forgive myself when my eating disorder wouldn’t allow it. This helped me feel like I was starting to regain power over the disorder.
If I felt overwhelmed and didn’t want to take part in a family tradition, I would be open and honest about it, expressing to my loved ones that my recovery was to come first.
Recovery is wrought with challenges no matter the time of year, so developing a plan for these occasions can help you prioritize your recovery when you’re thrust into unpredictability and thrown off your usual routine.
Regardless of how the holidays turn out, you will make it through, and in doing so you’ll build skills for the next one. With a plan, persistence, and patience, each holiday will get easier, and may even start to become enjoyable again.
